it's too hot outside to masturbate.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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