wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
