I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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