Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
