New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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