the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
