Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
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One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
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I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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