I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
