bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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