I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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