Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize