last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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