Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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