Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
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Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
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And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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