Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Randomize
