im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
