Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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