I'm lost and stupid without you.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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