Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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