I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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