I can text with my tongue
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
