Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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