So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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