shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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