i don't plan on having that self control this summer
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He better not be in your backpack
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
