Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
