I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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