I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
