I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
