My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
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