Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
