Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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