I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
