She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize