someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
