I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
