Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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