He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Randomize
