I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
