@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
