I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
