I'm so fucking centered right now
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
