I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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