My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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