After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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