i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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