There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Randomize
