Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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