at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Operation Purity has been aborted
I intend to get homeless drunk
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
