I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
