I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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