so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I'm at about main and main street
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
