But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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