Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
