listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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