Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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