Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
