I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
