So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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