fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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