Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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