Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
