I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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