The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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