Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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