I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
