Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
