if you like me you must not know who I am
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
