I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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