You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Randomize
