Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
