3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
