My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
