I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
