Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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