brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
