from now on my penis is your penis
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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